Wednesday, January 16, 2013

On the Naming of Dogs and Cats

Looks like we're getting a new dog tomorrow. What kind of dog is she? She's a scruffy dog. 1/2 Wookie and 1/2 ZOMG CUTE.

Here are her pound pics: 

And here she is during the first meeting today with Jake. I think that second picture kind of sealed the deal on this little girl. Any dog that will nuzzle you under the chin is a dog that I want to keep.

This dog needs a name. She has her "pound name" but that just won't do. She needs her "you live here now name". This got me to thinking more about all the names that dogs and cats shouldn't have and the sort of working list of names and types of names that I've never cared for. Sometimes it's easier to know what I don't like.

The first category of names that don't work for me are froo froo fancy pure-breed pedigree names. Congratulations, you paid $500 for a dog with nervous tendencies and special medical needs, what's that name again? Really? With a hyphen, no less? That's pretty pretentious for an animal that will roll on a carcass when given the first chance.

The next category are people names. Dogs should not have people names- with two exceptions. Exception #1: names that sound like that always-dependable dude-friend you had that one time that was always there and would help you move furniture if you repaid him with beer. Exception #2: classy women from black and white movies or cowgirls. It goes without saying that the actual names of people you actually know that may come into contact with the animal should be avoided at all costs. Also out- names of previous romantic partners. 

Good: Chuck, Jack, Al, Jessie, Cal, Katherine (feline only), Maggie
Bad: Christie, Britney, Susan, Robert, Dr. Frances, Felicia, Lawrence Fishburne

Third and final category: any noun or adjective with the suffix "ie" or "y" added to the end. This is what I call the "little sister" portion of the list because I had two and these were the names they gave the million or so cats and puppies that were born under the house and lived in the holes in the cinder-block steps*.

Ex: Blackie, Stripie, Orangie, Whitey, Fuzzy, Froggy, Brownie, Crampy, Pukey, etc.

Everything else is up for grabs. 

Do you have a suggestion for our newest addition? Leave a comment below!

*In all fairness, the youngest of which was 5 and the other roughly 8 years old at the time. That would have made me 11 and approaching a very angsty patch of my life that lasted about... oh, perhaps 10 years. I guess what I'm saying is that I fully admit to blowing the whole thing way out of proportion. However I still maintain that "Stripey" is flat out the worst name to ever have been directed at a living creature during the years between 1976 and 1987.