Monday, April 25, 2011

The adventure-light weekend

     There were no hikes, no camping, no caves, no creeks and no cliffs last weekend. There was only mowing and measuring of things to be replaced and watching of movies and trips to the grocery store. There was talk of grand hikes and there was discussion of small excursions but in the end the only walking was done behind a lawnmower and down That Aisle in the grocery store.

     Everybody knows of That Aisle but most folks don’t actually purchase the goods that wait patiently on its shelves. Sometimes, in larger grocery stores, there may actually be Those Aisles but the contents are the same: things made to resemble other foods but not containing the foods they are made to resemble. The Land of Faux-Foods. The Uncanny Valley of Culinary Delights. Foods that only match the descriptions on their packaging in the most general sense are to be found within.

     We buy these foods often more for what they do not contain more than what they do. There is a check-point at the entrance of That Aisle and the guards will confiscate your lactose, animal meat, wheat, soy, and gluten either all at once or one at a time. After passing the gates you are set free in a land of things made of other things. The cows and pigs are made of soybeans, except where they are not made of soy at all and are made of rice instead. The chickens are made of beans and the beans are made of… well, beans naturally.

     You come to That Aisle to avoid the hormone-infused, high-fructose corn syrup laden evils of all the other aisles and you stay for the chocolate almond milk.

 (Note: there was a great picture of Esther that I took of her holding up a bottle of pigs feet. Out of fear for my very life, I have chosen not to upload that picture and post it here.)

1 comment:

  1. Pickled pigs feet scare me. Honestly they do. My grandmother ate them, so as a child I watched her gnaw away on them...shiver.